287 Days of 2013 have dragged by flying and finally, I too, can start counting the days until 2014. Don’t get me wrong, I am not – for one second – wishing my life away, but it would be great if I could just throw away my diary and say: Screw you, 2013. I. AM. DONE.
It has indeed been a very long 287 days. It would be way too early to write down my 21 things I learned in 2013, because I might just come across some more valuable life experiences. Or useless facts I find entertaining or newsworthy. I guess to try and put down the 21 things that got to me this year would be easier if I put them down as the 21 things that DID NOT get to me during 2013.
I suppose it might just be the final push over the edge of this year that is currently working on my nerves and all the little parts of my brain that is slowly causing me to hand myself over to alcohol. I am so incredibly tired of trying to be there. To be here, right now, is currently a challenge of its own. Sucking it up and blowing it out with just one link that makes part of my need to chain smoke. Breathe in. Breath out. Breathe in. Breathe out. Don’t breathe in again, you might pass out and be able to sleep for a while without having to worry about people who are not nice; about being nice to people who are not.
Yes, that is my weakness. I just can’t seem to say no or tell someone that they are not being fair. That their service sucks and that I find it insanely rude if they do not acknowledge my emails. That they phone me, not to know whether I am fine, but to know whether I am fine to assist. Sure. Always. Any day. I would, on any day, get up two hours earlier just to help you out. Honestly. All you have to do is ask please.
Maybe that’s it! I am not tired of 2013, I am tired of being nice. Tired of putting everyone first and failing to look after myself. Tired of not using the two hours in the morning painting my toenails ten different colours, just because I can. Tired of people letting me down. Tired of people pushing me towards the point where I don’t want to acknowledge emails, where I no longer feel like being loyal. All these draining drops in the bucket cause me to become less tolerant to the things that usually would not phase me.
I am so scared of waking up tomorrow morning no longer just wanting to smile and suck it up, because maybe, just a slight maybe, Karma will one day remember that and oversee all the horrible things I have done – or might do – in my life. At the same time, I am so disappointed in myself, because all of the above is done with love (or passion), and sadly, for the very first time, I understand what Don Henley meant when saying: “Sometimes love just ain’t enough.”
So for the next 78 days, I shall commit myself to the following:
- I will make time to finish my novel
- I will finish the paintings I have put off for so many years – with LOVE
- I will not ask anyone any favours: if I don’t ask, I don’t have to answer
- I will tell a person that their service sucks and that I will report them to Hello Peter
- I will say no – OK fine, I will at least try
- I will spend two hours one morning a week pampering myself
- I will remind myself to phone my granny before 7e Laan starts
- I will spend more time with the people I adore
- I will take my fluffy friends to the beach more often
- I will read my friend’s novel again
- I will give my deserted garden a little tender loving care
- I will start planning an exciting project for Mama Gladys and the children for the new year
- I will go back to writing down just five things that I am thankful for at the end of every day
- I will try to listen to all my favourite tracks on every album I own
- I will page through all my favourite books on my shelf
- I will take time to read the instructions of at least one product per week (simultaneously, this would make my hubby really happy ♥)
- I will send emails to all the people that matter just to let them know I love them
- I will try a new cupcake recipe every month
- I will try to get back to yoga class
- I will drink more bubblies (ok, this one was just an afterthought, but come to think of it, it is not a bad idea at all!)
- I will remember: If it is not done with love or with passion, it is not worth doing at all.
With slightly less love than other times