Don’t waste your time on jealousy;
Sometimes you’re ahead,
Sometimes You’re behind.
The race is long, and in the end, it’s only with yourself.
This post has been sitting in the back of my mind for quite a while taking its time to be written. I have been avoiding this part of the song’s lyrics, because who wants to admit that they get jealous? Well >hangs head in shame< I do. I don’t believe there are people parading this planet who don’t get envious – even if just a little bit.
Here’s me jotting down a quick 5-list of things that make me jealous (I had to stop myself to not make this a 21-things post!)
- Every person who got to see The Counting Crows when they were in South Africa last month
- Illustrators like Korky Paul and the likes
- Skinny people who can eat whatever they want and still stay skinny
- Anyone who can play the violin properly
- People who can actually take really cool selfies without coming across as silly or vain
Baz Luhrmann says you shouldn’t waste your time on jealousy. The concept of wasting time deserves a post of its own, but here’s my understanding of it in a nutshell: Wasted time means you have nothing positive to show for an undisclosed period of time. Procrastination does not count as wasting time, because you probably have pretty painted toenails or a neatly organised cupboard instead of a beautiful illustration or deadline-driven magazine. And both pretty toenails and neat cupboards were positive time-spenders.
Spending time on negative thoughts tires me out. Especially anger. I don’t use the word hate often, but I hate feeling angry. And getting jealous makes me a) angry at whatever I am jealous of and b) angry with myself for getting jealous in the first place. And anger escalates. Always. I get angry at myself for getting angry and so on and so on.
The tiny human and I were in a shop yesterday when something caught my eye. The two of us burn incense sticks only when the husband is not at home because the smell makes him nauseous apparently. So, there the two of us were on Saturday calmly checking out the variety of scents available and this one popped out. Not literally, I pulled it out so you could see it better 😉
It was synchronicity. I have been postponing this post for such a long time, something had to give me a bit of a push to say “Get it done already”. (I ended up buying white sage incense sticks instead.)
“Sometimes you’re ahead”. My late friend always said to quit while you’re ahead. I get it now. Take the lead with pride, but step down once you’re satisfied. Don’t quit until you’re proud. Quit while you’re ahead.Â
“Sometimes You’re behind.” Ugh. Yes. The behind-part. The inability to design a logo as good as the ones you see on Pinterest. The lack of confidence when it comes to stepping inside a bar all by yourself. (Don’t ask!) Everything is about progress. Looking back at the first logo I did as a student to where I am now, I see progress. And that’s all that should count.
“The race is long, and in the end, it’s only with yourself.” And that’s jealousy. Not the race part necessarily, but the only with yourself part. Envy boils down to yourself. Your own issues and shortcomings you need to deal with by yourself for yourself. Sure, the race is really long, but you’re only competing with your yesterday-self.
I came across this quote and am not sure who to credit:
Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.
I might as well have replaced anger with jealousy because that’s how it is. Holding onto your own jealousy is not going to make the other person or situation any different. You’re still going to be behind. And that’s ok. At the end of the day, you’re only competing with yourself and that’s tough enough.
Yours in new-found ambition,
