Until further notice

Until further notice

An existential crisis. That’s what I think I should call it. A big – huge – problem with my entire existence. I am not saying things are over, I’m just saying things are harder than I would have liked it to be. Which things? You might ask. Well, my sense of being in general I suppose.

I’m lying on my bed typing this on my phone while my boys are both napping. I initially opened up my laptop, but I did not even see the login screen before I shut it again. I don’t want to sleep. I know that I need it, but I just don’t feel like wasting time. Work and play equally hard, take time from sleep if you need to.

I’m experiencing a dilemma and I’m not sure how to deal with it. Maybe you are having a similar issue? My dilemma is this: why. Why this? I’m striving to find my purpose in this big big world, but like my last gin and tonic, it’s gone. I find myself questioning everything lately. Why should I? Why should I not? Who am I?

Closer to forty than thirty, surely this is a ridiculous question to be asking. My Reiki therapist friend and I often ask each other: do you remember who you were before the world told you who to be? Sometimes I know the answer straight away. Sometimes I don’t. I don’t today.

I think when it comes to self-discovery one always has this pre-painted picture that something major should happen before you reach that “oh, this is me” moment. I call bullshit. That’s not true. Big things happen all the time and I still have not had the aha moment.

I recently heard something that resonated with me and it really touched me deeply. “Ask your future self for guidance.” I pondered the idea and the more I drink [sic] about it, the more it makes sense. Your future self knows what you’ve gone through to get there, and your future self knows that you survived.

This road of self-discovery and constant questioning is exhausting. And it just dawned upon me that maybe there is nothing to discover. I will always ask questions and I’ll never know the exact answers. That’s the journey. And my future self already traveled that road. So instead of asking myself who I am, I’m going to tell myself who I want to be. My future self will cheer me on knowing I’m becoming who she is and that’s enough for me.

So, until further notice, I won’t be able to tell you who I am. But I’m working damn hard on becoming who I want to be.

Buy the shoes

Buy the shoes

I found this image in my not-so-neat blog folder and can’t for the life of me remember why I created it. I know it is a featured image but I have no idea what I was going to write about it! 😀

Anyways, I hope you find a pair of shoes you *need* soon!

Many hugs,



How do you even blog about flossing? Yeah, I get it, it is important and all of that, but seriously! When I decided to blog about The Sunscreen Song, I had a couple of ideas as to what I learned from it and what I would say about it. But having to write a post about FLOSS is really above my mental capacity at the moment and I have been putting off this line for quite some time. But I really do want to get to the next line of the song, so bear with me as I share my valuable experience with you.

If I am going to blog about dental floss, I need a featured image, right? Right. And that’s where I got stuck. Instead of sharing a somewhat inspiring message of something I experienced, I decided to share this very random cute drawing with you instead. It is done by kotoffei on Deposit Photos.

Don’t forget to floss! Or whatever.

Why I joined an agency

Why I joined an agency

It has been seven months since I kind of permanently joined an agency. But why? Why give up seven years of freelance “freedom” for working for someone else? First of all, I did not give up anything. Secondly, well, there is no secondly really. It was definitely not the easiest decision I have ever had to make in my career, but here is why:

Stability and routine:
Creative people are messy. And I am not just talking about my office (which I cleaned up by the way!) I am talking about life messy. We create routines and we break routines all the time. We set boundaries and break boundaries and we borderline everything. Working for an agency does not work like that. You have set hours, set ways and rules and regulations. As boring as this may sound, it is actually just what we need sometimes; a routine of stability.

Less paperwork:
This was probably at the top of my cons list! I hate paperwork. And the nice thing now is that I can make it someone else’s problem.

You don’t realise how stagnant you become when working from home alone. You forget what it is like to randomly bounce an idea off someone else – be it work-related or not. Working for an agency requires collaboration and I am really enjoying that.

Likeminded people:
We all have one thing in common: the agency. We work as a team and with the same clients and share a communal consciousnous about what is going on at the office. It is like having a family you know nothing about but value anyways.

Working on your own, you deal with mostly the same clients. It never bored me at all, but sometimes it just does not make your clock tick anymore. You get to know your clients and you understand what they like and need, so it is easy to do it right the first time around. Now I get to work with a variety of people I don’t know all that well, so the challenge to be creative is bit more of a challenge. This is where collaboration is also a plus point.

Small talk:
How I missed that! A while ago I wrote a post about freelance challenges and getting lonely was one of the points. Everything in moderation, though. Work hard, play hard.

Yup, we have a coffee machine at work too. And I don’t have to always make it myself or wait for Hubbles to do it!

Being appreciated:
Sure, clients say thank you and tell you that you’ve done a great job, but being part of a team that congratulates AND celebrates with you is beyond many things.

On the topic of congratulations and celebrations; it is nice to work with someone on a project and be able to look at the outcome and tell your partner in crime: well done.

Someone’s got your back:
Always. If you are afraid of stuffing up alone, ask someone else’s opinion and rather make sure the damage won’t be that great. Two minds are better than one!

Freedom to explore:
My position is half-day and I am free to explore the rest of the time. Within boundaries, of course!

As I am typing this I realise how many pros there are working for an agency. I am thankful for the opportunity to be part of a team and glad that I took on the challenge. I am having fun doing what I love, no matter where I do it.

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