[originaly posted on Oct 15, 2012]
I have been working as a graphic designer for thirteen years and have been freelancing for seven. I love my job and consider myself lucky to be in a position where my worst day at the office is probably better than most people’s best days. There are, unfortunately, a couple of things I really hate about my career. Nothing too major to handle, but these things have a tendency to make a day miserable and I usually end up looking for trips to Spain instead.
1. Yes, I can work 24/7. But only if I feel like it. So don’t expect me to.
2. So, you draw pictures for a living? No. Not just that. I do other things too.
3. I can’t just quickly do something. It. Takes. Time.
4. I don’t play around with colour as part of my job. I play with colour in my spare time. So, you pick the colour and I use them. End of story.
5. Don’t tell me ASAP and get back to me three months later.
6. ASAP to me means A Secret Association for Pirates. Give me a date and a time and I will make sure I am done by then.
7. The brief: “Think out of the box.” The response: “Oh, I had something else in mind.” You could have given my your box instead. Put a nice and pretty bow around it if you wish.
8. Don’t tell me I spend too much time on social networks.
9. Printing takes time. If you want it by Friday, stop fiddling around on Tuesday already. I have a nice relationship going with my printers and I don’t want to ruin that one too.
10. Yes, I am a magician. Don’t abuse my powers. Keep it up and I might just turn you into a flying talking donkey.
11. A copy of The Idiot’s Guide to Law does not make me an attorney. A (pirated) copy of Corel Draw for beginners does not make you a designer necessarily.
12. I studied to be a designer. You studied to be an accountant. You don’t do my books for free.
13. I don’t make you use drugs. Don’t make me use Comic Sans or Mistral or Lucida Handwriting.
14. I don’t read minds. My super powers are not that advanced.
15. There is a reason why pictures have watermarks. Don’t ask me to take them out.
16. I am creative. Not retarded.
17. When I said I will be done, I will be done. Don’t phone to check up as I have passive-aggressive tendencies.
18. I am a designer. Not technical support.
19. Proof 1: “try this instead.” Proof 2: “move that there.” Proof 3: “add this.” Proof 4: “combine proof 2 and 3.” Outcome: “Proof 1.” Thankfully I learned to never override the first file.
20. CSI use a different kind of software. I can’t make small pictures bigger without pixelation.
21. I can only be two of the following three: On time. Affordable. Pleasant. Choose wisely.