I am not saying that I have not been having fun, but some days, sadly, I didn’t. I have been trying to challenge myself with little minor things, just to be able to say “I kicked my own butt.” Well, that did not went well. I followed the Dukan diet for an entire day and a half. I did not go back to yoga. I did not try new recipes. I did not add one additional word to my novel. I did not do anything, really. Well, I painted the walls of the deck outside, but that did not even fix me up (usually a change of colour recharges me unlike anything else). Like in The Neverending Story, the nothing slowly took me over… and one morning I woke up indulged by the nothingness that absorbed the whole of me. Lanaland became a graveyard of dusty unicorns and fallen stars without wishes upon them.
I find it difficult to fix myself. I’d much rather distance myself from me and assist other people with organising their minds – even if I just have to listen them through it. Some other morning, say three, four weeks ago, I woke up again – thankfully – and I realised that the greatest challenge I had, was to not only WAKE UP, but to actually GET UP. I went to one of my favourite clients’ store (mosaic4africa) and started collecting tiles in shades of bright greens, reds and oranges. I covered myself in sunblock and sat myself down on the deck outside (which is still not entirely painted) and started creating a mosaic flower pot for very dear friends of ours. While working on the pot, I slowly felt my happiness creeping up on me again.
To sound all philosophical and stuff, I might say that creativity is slightly like doing mosaic work. Tile by tile the colours all get together and form a big bunch of happy patterns. All of a sudden I started craving my sketchbook again. I found myself with the willingness to read…to watch movies…to paint…to write…to blog.
I missed you, and I really am glad to be home.