[originaly posted on Oct 15, 2012]

I have been working as a graphic designer for thirteen years and have been freelancing for seven. I love my job and consider myself lucky to be in a position where my worst day at the office is probably better than most people’s best days. There are, unfortunately, a couple of things I really hate about my career. Nothing too major to handle, but these things have a tendency to make a day miserable and I usually end up looking for trips to Spain instead.

1. Yes, I can work 24/7. But only if I feel like it. So don’t expect me to.
2. So, you draw pictures for a living? No. Not just that. I do other things too.
3. I can’t just quickly do something. It. Takes. Time.
4. I don’t play around with colour as part of my job. I play with colour in my spare time. So, you pick the colour and I use them. End of story.
5. Don’t tell me ASAP and get back to me three months later.
6. ASAP to me means A Secret Association for Pirates. Give me a date and a time and I will make sure I am done by then.
7. The brief: “Think out of the box.” The response: “Oh, I had something else in mind.” You could have given my your box instead. Put a nice and pretty bow around it if you wish.
8. Don’t tell me I spend too much time on social networks. Twitter Instagram and Facebook Pinterest are my colleagues.
9. Printing takes time. If you want it by Friday, stop fiddling around on Tuesday already. I have a nice relationship going with my printers and I don’t want to ruin that one too.
10. Yes, I am a magician. Don’t abuse my powers. Keep it up and I might just turn you into a flying talking donkey.
11. A copy of The Idiot’s Guide to Law does not make me an attorney. A (pirated) copy of Corel Draw for beginners does not make you a designer necessarily.
12. I studied to be a designer. You studied to be an accountant. You don’t do my books for free.
13. I don’t make you use drugs. Don’t make me use Comic Sans or Mistral or Lucida Handwriting.
14. I don’t read minds. My super powers are not that advanced.
15. There is a reason why pictures have watermarks. Don’t ask me to take them out.
16. I am creative. Not retarded.

17. When I said I will be done, I will be done. Don’t phone to check up as I have passive-aggressive tendencies.
18. I am a designer. Not technical support.
19. Proof 1: “try this instead.” Proof 2: “move that there.” Proof 3: “add this.” Proof 4: “combine proof 2 and 3.” Outcome: “Proof 1.” Thankfully I learned to never override the first file.
20. CSI use a different kind of software. I can’t make small pictures bigger without pixelation.
21. I can only be two of the following three: On time. Affordable. Pleasant. Choose wisely.

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