1. Always know the number of a non-judgmental person in your town…you never know when you might get arrested or kicked out of your own car for driving like an ass.
2. Never fart in a lift with only two people – including yourself.
3. Know the secret hiding place of you partner’s small change.
4. Also know where their spare keys are.
5. Press ctrl+s as often as you can.
6. Hide a R100 note in your jacket’s pocket when you pack away after winter – next winter you will be thankful.
7. Also, hide a box of smokes from yourself – next end-of-the-month you will be grateful (also refer to no 3).
8. Email all your passwords to yourself (you might want to use some clever code language to not display your username or something).
9. Memorise the above email’s password.
10. When invited to a party where you won’t know many people, Google a bunch of useless information – at least you will have something to start a conversation with – even if it is with yourself.
11. Keep a spare *working* cell phone in your car’s boot. You never know when you might get mugged (or lose yours) and need to call someone (refer to no 1).
12. Never underestimate the power of a yellow crayon – it’s advised to keep one of those nearby.
13. Always be on the lookout for a hiding place. You never know when the zombies might attack.
14. When wearing stockings, make sure you twist and pull and tuck them comfortably when getting dressed. Nothing ruins a day as easily as twisted stockings.
15. Don’t tease your dog when wearing stockings.
16. Don’t insult anyone without making sure they are not standing behind you.
17. Don’t go to the loo when you are expecting a call or company…they will ring while you are occupied.
18. When your paintbrush drips a splodge of paint on the floor, clean it immediately. Otherwise you will step in it thirty seconds later.
19. Always carry a book with you. You never know when you might have to look busy.
20. Look both ways before crossing *any* street. (I am an accident waiting to happen in parking lots…I always forget to look both ways!)
21. Always carry a spare pair of socks with you. You might get stuck in a lift and need to draw a face on them with your yellow crayon so you at least have your own puppet as company.